My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
