yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
