Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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