What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
