hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
