Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
