This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
