I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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