Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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