Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dignity is for republicans.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
