I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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