The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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