If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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