All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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