i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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