im calling her cock vulture from now on
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
