You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
