I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
