When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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