obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
