Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
