some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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