i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
