Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
