Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize