Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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