Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
