Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
