I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
