what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
