So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Randomize
