At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
