I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize