I am puke
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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