my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
