he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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