Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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