tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize