I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
