I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
