There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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