I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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