Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
