there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
