Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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