I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
