Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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