We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
