My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
