Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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