How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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