I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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