My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
