He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
