I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize