This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
