turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
