It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
