VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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