I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
