Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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