Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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