I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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