Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
