i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
