Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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