i just had sex bonerless
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
