he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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