Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't turn off my feet"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
