Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
