I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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